She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
