i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
