so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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