I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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