i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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