I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize