So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
