Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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