So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
