I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
