dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
