Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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