im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
