it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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