her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
