My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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