when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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