the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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