why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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