Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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