Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
