Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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