I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
