My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Come on in and take your pants off
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