Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
