If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
