I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
