i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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