I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
