We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize