weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
