I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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