but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
