If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize