I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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