I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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