paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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