i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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