Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
