just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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