chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
