Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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