i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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