Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my being single is dangerous.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
