The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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