remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His nipple licking is glorious
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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