dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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