I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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