So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
