hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
