You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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