New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
