From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
