So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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