Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
