Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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