Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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