Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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