all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
try to milk me bitch
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