woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
