All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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