the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?