so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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